All day I was looking forward to sitting here at twilight,
Thinking I would find some deeper part of myself
And imagining the mood I would wear.
A busy day, with many demands, and a kiss from my boss
For a job well done. I’ve yet to tell her she’s my mother,
Given her umbrella that blew away on a rainy Thanksgiving Day.
The clincher being the man who wouldn’t fetch it for her,Leaving her fat and alone and blocked from the relentless parade.
Her experience was enough to make me cry, though there’s
A lot, with my imperfect love, I can’t express.
On the subway a woman modeled a gimlet eye, saying
Fall derelict damned into the docket of my distrust.
Look. Let’s not worry about every little thing, not when there is
Laundry to pick up and a salad to eat in the privacy of my home.Oh, I’m in this chair all right, and the pain I’m in is unbelievable.
You’d be feeling it as well if you just spoke with your father
And killed him dead so now he is crying, too.
Still, it is safe here where I sit. Though the rain has come,
No wheelchair-bound are looking in the window. How long
This can go on I cannot predict. All I can truly say is that
The bed is calling and I am moving steadily closer.June 2003